Okay I promise this isn’t going to be one of those ‘New Year New Me’ post’s, but the last three weeks travelling i’ve had a lot of time on planes, buses and trains to think. I don’t set New Years Resolutions, I find them to be dull, demotivating and a mockery of what the new year is supposed to be about. Whilst the new year does bring some change to some people, for the majority of us it starts like we ended last year, in a drunken/hungover stoop. Okay but seriously, nothing changes, I still wake up dreading Monday mornings, head to work and head home, I still see the same people and try something new once a week. I spent my New Years in bed, watching movies with my best friend because we had an early plane to catch and the whole idea that after that dramatic 10 second countdown life’s different is a sham, it’s anti climatic to the max. Within the first week of 2016, i’ve made it to 3 new countries in Eastern Europe; Hungary, Austria and Slovakia and yes they’re new countries to me, but travelling isn’t.
When I first moved to London I sometimes felt like I had a cloud over my head, that I didn’t fit in, I didn’t know what I was doing and I truthfully cared about what people thought of me, and yes that does include the random person I sat next to on the Tube for 5 minutes in the morning. I was just someone else who moved to a big city trying to find a place to fit in.
I’m not looking for a place to fit in anymore, I don’t need to fit in. Well thats what i’m telling myself. I’m taking the time to contemplate why i really moved to London and if it’s still the same reasons now from when I left. I simply know I don’t want to be that grouchy Londoner that everyone somehow turns into. So here’s to my Life Resolutions; another day not just being little Madi.
When I walk down the street I keep my head held high, not avoiding people looking at me, for two good reasons; it actually helps your self confidence to feel indestructible and I’m pretty sure all that neck bending is resulting in terrible posture.
On the tube if I make that dreaded, awkward eye contact with someone I give a small smile and go back to what I was doing.
When I wake up I put on whatever clothes I damn want, even if the unwarranted attention from impolite males makes me, for a split second, feel uncomfortable because those strangers definitely don’t have the power to make me change.
Never fearing that i’m overdressed or standing out because it’s far better to show people what you can achieve than what you need to work up to.
2016 isn’t going to be a year of change, I will continue to eat healthy and binge on Sundays with my flatmates, I will continue to forgo knowing my bank account to splurge on those gorgeous new shoes, I will probably have my bad days were I don’t want to get out of bed and maybe whisper bad things about people on TFL and I will continue to be happy be that alone or if I find someone because no one can be responsible for my happiness besides myself.
So here’s to a year of improvement, improving myself in all the little ways that may or may not make me a better person. Here’s to living for today and not stressing about next week. But most of all, heres to being alive because that’s the only thing we can all be thankful and grateful for.